“I’m going to get the mail”. This was my statement in the afternoon of any given day when we were finished with our studies.
Translated, it meant to my children, “Mom is going to the end of our long driveway to get the mail”.
But, I knew the real meaning of that simple statement. It often meant, “I’m going to the mailbox, but I’m really thinking about walking past it, on down the road, and not coming back!”
Many times it was because I was feeling so overwhelmed, my kids were more than I could (or wanted to) handle, and I wanted to run away. But, other times, it was because I thought my family would be better off without me. Really.
I was so disappointed in my thoughts and attitudes. I just knew I was ruining my kids’ lives. I thought my husband could surely find someone who could love him and my children more than I. Ever thought that?
Somewhere between wallowing in the lies and self-pity and now, I began letting go of those thoughts. Maybe it was because my children were growing and maturing along with me. Or, maybe it was because I began applying God’s grace to me. Whatever the reason, I no longer have those thoughts. I’m glad God gave me what he did---and that he gave me more than I could handle.
And now when I say I’m going to the mailbox, it only means, “I’ll be back with the mail!”