Monday, January 07, 2008

Going to the Mailbox

“I’m going to get the mail”. This was my statement in the afternoon of any given day when we were finished with our studies.

Translated, it meant to my children, “Mom is going to the end of our long driveway to get the mail”.

But, I knew the real meaning of that simple statement. It often meant, “I’m going to the mailbox, but I’m really thinking about walking past it, on down the road, and not coming back!”

Seriously.

Many times it was because I was feeling so overwhelmed, my kids were more than I could (or wanted to) handle, and I wanted to run away. But, other times, it was because I thought my family would be better off without me. Really.

I was so disappointed in my thoughts and attitudes. I just knew I was ruining my kids’ lives. I thought my husband could surely find someone who could love him and my children more than I. Ever thought that?

Somewhere between wallowing in the lies and self-pity and now, I began letting go of those thoughts. Maybe it was because my children were growing and maturing along with me. Or, maybe it was because I began applying God’s grace to me. Whatever the reason, I no longer have those thoughts. I’m glad God gave me what he did---and that he gave me more than I could handle.

And now when I say I’m going to the mailbox, it only means, “I’ll be back with the mail!”

12 comments:

Cindy Beall said...

You are good. I'm encouraged. I guess if you, supermom, felt like a loser, then I don't feel so bad. Thanks for identifying with me.

This mom thing is hard :)

Abbi said...

This one is great, and one part hit me particularly hard--the part where you thought that your family would be better off without you and could surely find someone who could love them "better". I struggle with this same thought!!

But that's a big fat lie!! God knew what He was doing putting us where (and with whom) He put us. God's showing me this week what grace truly is...that it doesn't just apply to 'new' believers.

Great post!

Donna said...

Oh my goodness I think the same thing when things are not going well. I'm going to hang on because if you have done OK than maybe I (and my family) will do OK too. Thanks for sharing Robin. I do not feel so alone now.

Robin Meadows said...

Oh, girls. Motherhood is the hardest job there is! But YES!!! Hang on. This is the most rewarding time in my life. Blessings, blessings, blessings. I can promise you, it will ALL be worth it!

And I was no "supermom"...I am just a mom like you. ;) And I happen to think we're ALL quite super!

Abbi---GRACE--love it, still learning more about it. I love what you said about it yesterday. Can't wait 'til you share it.

Natalie said...

I've often thought that I am doing them more harm than good. You know, not giving them enough attention, or my attitude is surely showing thru this fake smile! But, as usual, God comes in a wrecks the lies that the enemy is throwing. Thanks for your honesty, it helps!

HomeSchool Mommy said...

You are definitely one of the moms who seems to have it all together, so when you're so real, it makes us feel like maybe we can do the great things in motherhood as you have. Thanks!

Anna said...

Oh, yeah... I remember those days... ;) Glad you always decided to come back.

GinaL said...

I needed that today. There are so many days like that for me. Part of it is my long drawn out struggle with depression and part of it is normal mommy stuff. I think so many times some one else could do this much better than I am. Yes, even for my husband to have a better wife, even though I would absolutely die at the mere thought of it. I can't imagine life without any of them though and wish it would slow down a bit, this growing up thing they are doing. I'd like to get it a little right while they are young!

deleise said...

WHAT????? Robin Meadows thought she was ruining her kids and they would be better off without her???? Oh my goodness, that translates into hope for us all.:) Thanks, Robin.

shanna said...

I had one of those days today. My thoughts go there less and less...but they still come. I keep telling myself...or maybe it is God telling me that a harvest will be reaped in mine and my children's life if I just do not give up! This fills me with hope. Thank you!

Jenny-K said...

Wow! That did hit close to home. I'm really not the only one. I think I've always known that in the back of my mind, but when it actually comes out of someone else's mouth, it becomes a reality. He gives us experiences to learn from and to help others through. Thank you for the encouragement!

Kim said...

This is my first time visiting your blog, and I love it. This post really hit home for me. I've got 16 years between my two boys and many times I have thought I am totally screwing them up. It appears from your bloggie pals that you are the epitome of SuperMom, so, yes, to hear you acknowledge your feelings of frustration, failure fears, weariness, and all like-feelings, truly makes the rest of us feel like we may not be doing too badly and that those feelings are all normal!