Monday, February 02, 2009

Feeling Like a Bad Mom

You know those days when everything you've worked so hard to teach your children just seems to fall apart?  All the things you've preached and lived and breathed into them.  And now it suddenly seems like they never heard a word you said.  Their choices or responses aren't matching up to the efforts you've poured into helping them understand.  The importance of things like responsibility, obedience, honor.



Well, it happened to me again recently.  And it didn't make me feel so happy.  In fact, I felt like a really bad mom....once again.



So, this time I took a moment to reflect on how I was going to handle it. I had to consciously choose to:



  • Recognize that my children's choices weren't necessarily against me personally. 

  • Try not to transfer my negative feelings onto everything else bothering me in my life and blow it out of proportion.

  • Recognize the lies of the enemy desiring to bring discord and destruction into my heart and mind.

  • Recognize that this is a time when I start comparing myself to others

  • Take all thoughts captive to the Truth



Realizing the truth and not believing the lies didn't change my heart immediately.  I still had feelings of being a failure.  But they were short-lived and I was able to quickly move on with my day, choosing instead to believe that progress can indeed come, even with my failings.



A different perspective gave birth to better thoughts, a better mind-set.



Do you struggle with thinking you're a failure?  Do you have trouble separating the lies from the Truth?

robin





Robin

12 comments:

Dusty Takle said...

I have to capture my thoughts and nail them to the cross often. Sometimes we believe what others...or what the enemy says we are instead of who God says we are.

Theresa said...

I most of the time feel that my kids drew the short straw when they ended up with me as their mother. I mainly just don't feel worthy.

Gina said...

Yes and yes. I would even go so far as to say some days I know I'm a failure. It's a hard thing for me. I don't know if it is my depression or if its all the times I heard about how much of a failure I am. Its a daily struggle for me. I know the truth, but I don't know if I believe it.

Brooke Hukill said...

You never cease to amaze me! Of coarse we all have these feelings. Some of us more than others, not me...I'm perfect...yeah right! I definitely fit into the more than others category. But you have nailed what we are to do in these moments! All of the negativity that we feel or hear in our heads is the enemy and not truth. God designed us and hand picked us for our children. Nothing is by mistake. When we tell ourselves something (who God chose as our children) was a mistake, THAT is the enemy and not truth. God does everything with purpose, we have to remind ourselves of that and make sure our purpose is in line with His.

Love you my friend, and you know what an amazing mother you are! Don't ever question that again!!!!!!! God is using you to not only to sculpt the lives of your children but all who are blessed enough to know you!

Abbi said...

If you are a 'bad mother', there is no hope for the rest of us! ;)

My biggest struggle is separating the "do" from the "am"...meaning, when I DO fail (like we all do from time to time), I translate that to mean I AM a failure.

Like we talked about the other night, the trick is to recognize that failure is a learning tool, not something that defines who we ARE. Maybe if we allowed ourselves to fail more often, we'd be more comfortable with failing! :) Love you!

Debbie said...

I so identify with these feelings; I love the way you made a decision to consciously choose to deal the feelings these times can cause.

I have found myself having to make those same conscious choices many times; but those times I don't it seems like a downward spiral starts happening that makes everything in life seem dark (definitely out of proportion!).

Thanks for sharing - I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has felt/feels this way!

Anna Meadows said...

Who was it this time??

I struggle with this mind set within my ministry. Especially with students who make bad choices, and leaders who decide to quick servine.

I take it personally. Which is dumb and really selfish because it's NOT ABOUT ME!

It's hard to take those thoughts captive, but it is VITAL!!

Nicole Knox said...

I have a hard time with this!

Hope said...

How do you know just what I need to read? I am not a mom but I know I have made my mom wonder MANY times what went wrong. She did an amazing job, but I still did dumb, dumb things. In my life, I struggle with taking other peoples' actions and lies to heart and needed to be reminded where it all comes from, THE source of all lies and division.

Donna said...

I'm with Abbi if you are a bad mom then there certainly isn't any hope for me.

Gina---you my dear friend are not a failure. That is a lie!

Yes I struggle with feeling like a failure. Yes, I struggle with separating lies from the truth....daily.

I'm so thankful for you Robin. And so thankful to your family for sharing you!

Natalie @ I AM (not) said...

Yep, I have to really filter through was is real and false and make sure I'm listening to truth!

Christine said...

Well, I certainly could have written the first part, about feeling like a failure . . . but I don't often make it to the rest. I honestly felt like a failure as a mom and particularly as a homeschool mom most of the past 20 or so years. And I still have a 9 year old! And the worst part of it is that I know it's my fault. Whatever I'm reaping in my children now, in my life, I have sown. So I have no one to blame but myself. The question then becomes, "Where do I go from here?" Inevitably, it's back in the saddle . . . putting together a new plan . . . one that will eventually fail and leave me in the same sad place. Then, back in the saddle . . . . I had no idea it would all be this hard. And, don't get me wrong, my kids are terrific! You'd think with all my whining that they were pot-smoking, foul-mouthed rebellious, awful children! They're really quite sweet . . . . but I just don't seem to be able to 'do it right' . . . it's the little things, I guess. I haven't lived up to that invisible standard for the Christian wife and mother, for the Christian homeschool mom, in my own mind. And it makes me wonder why I ever started this difficult journey.