For Married Men

Saturday, Dirk and I had the opportunity to share during three breakout sessions during a marriage seminar.  This is the hand-out Dirk compiled for the men.  Have any more thoughts or suggestions to add?  Wives, your input is encouraged too!

For the Men

LOVE your wife…with actions and words.  Ex:  open her car door, praying, reading your Bible, tithe, help put the children to bed.

Be the head…not the tail! (or the butt) Spiritually lead her!

Tell her she’s beautiful.

Listen better….turn off the TV or gaming system.

Write love notes

Bring small gifts…it really is the thought that counts!

Give her longer kisses…not just the peck on your way out the door.

Leave work at work.

Continue to pursue her…even though you’ve already caught her.

Hold her hand.

E-mail and text her

Take her on surprise dates

Take care of the cars

Finish those home repair projects (or hire someone to finish them)

Read your Bible and pray out loud for your family

Give her lots of cuddle time

Be her best friend

Tell her you love her often….and tell her why.

Share your dreams with her:  Family Vision

What Do You Think?

Which is God more interested in?  Our holiness or our happiness?

What are your thoughts?

Warrior Princess or King?

This week Dirk and I are focused on material for sharing at an upcoming marriage seminar. This is a previous post from March, 2008. Share your thoughts?

The message series at Lifechurch.tv right now is “Warrior”. If you didn’t get a chance to see it last weekend, it’s a “must-see”. Watch it here.

In the message, Craig Groschel says that the Church has emasculated our men, our warriors. I totally agree, but I think we women have had a lot to do with that. Even emasculating our own husbands.

Think about it:

We train them to put the seat DOWN after they use the toilet.

We purchase hair removal products, “encourage” them to pluck their eyebrows, and talk about the “disgusting rugs” on their backs.

We invite them into our frilly, pink, lacy bedrooms (or living rooms—hey! I’ve seen some!)

We relegate “their stuff” (hunting trophies, pictures of the guys, military things) into the garage, their bathroom, the closet.

We “encourage” them to speak nicely (translated: “act like me, a mommy”) to our children, even when they have misbehaved. “Honey, you’ll hurt their little feelings”.
.
I don’t know about you, but if the tables were turned, and my guy expected me to be like him….well,…..it makes you think.

Maybe some of us shouldn’t wonder why when he:

Shuts down
Quits trying
Doesn’t want to be at home
Won’t go to church with us

Craig encouraged us girls to be Warrior Princesses, to stand by our Warriors . I’m thinkin’ there are a lot of us that just want to be The Princess, or maybe The King.

Ways to Fight Fair

Dirk and I have been invited to participate in a break-out session as part of a marriage conference next weekend.  The subject we were requested to share about:

 COMMUNICATION

I'll be sharing some thoughts this week from our preparation.

Our relational discussions really don't have to end up in a blow-out fight if we have some guidelines and boundaries in place.  Then we can be in control of the argument, rather than the argument controlling us.

Here is a hand-out we are working on.

ALWAYS

Believe your mate has your best interest at heart

Listen. Ask yourself, "Is there any truth to this?"

See the discussion as an opportunity for understanding rather than for winning.

Remove sarcasm, cynicism, and anger from your words and tone.

Stay on topic.

See the issue as "our" issue, not "his" or "her" issue

Keep the discussion only between you and your mate

Take responsibility for yourself and your actions

Recognize your limits. If things are heating up, agree to a time-out.

Finish the discussion. Don't leave it open-ended.

Forgive

NEVER

See your mate as the adversary

Belittle, insult, call names or use abusive language

Label or compare ("You are so ________" or You are just like your _________")

Try to have the last word

Shut down and use the silent treatment

Put up defenses and retaliate verbally

Tear down the other's character and personality. Keep it about behavior.

Use the D word (divorce)

Threaten, yell, scream, slam doors or throw, hit or break things

Walk away or leave the house (except for an agreed upon time-out)

Bring up the past or former unresolved discussions

Blame or make accusations

Generalize - "You always", "You never", "Can't you just...?", "You are so..."

Make assumptions about what you think your mate is saying. Ask direct questions.

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What do you think?  Any additions or suggestions?

Can these guidelines help to control the argument rather than it controlling us?

The Word

It has the power to save our souls. James 1:21

It is our life. Deuteronomy 32:47 ; Psalm 119:37 ; Proverbs 4:4

It is Truth we can trust. Psalm 33:3 ; John 17:17

It keeps us from sin. Psalm 119:11

It revives and encourages us. Psalm 119:25 ; Psalm 119:28

It is eternal. Psalm 119:89 ; Isaiah 40:8; Isaiah 59:21 ; Matthew 24:35

It is our guide. Psalm 119:105

It is a source of hope. Psalm 119:74 ; Psalm 119:81 ; Psalm 119:114

His Word is so much more than this!  What is it to you?

Double Nickels

Yep.  Today is my birthday, and I’m now double-nickels (as my husband, Dirk says).

I’ve been around a pretty long while.

Since before

-Barbie dolls and hula hoops

-permanent press fabrics

 -cassette and 8-track tapes (know what those are??)

-remote controls and portable phones

-home computers and hand-held calculators

-power steering & brakes

-Alaska and Hawaii were not even states

The year I was born

-automobiles were required to install seatbelts

-the first oral contraceptive was invented

-the first cans of Coke came out (they were in glass bottles only, before)

-the first McDonald’s and Disneyland was opened

-gasoline was .23 a gallon

“In God We Trust” was added to all US paper currency

You can laugh about all that now, but you’ll be thanking me when I can save you 10% at Ross on Tuesdays! Just saying.

Filled or Flowing?

A lot of people talk about serving and giving to others “out of the overflow”,  speaking of the overflow of God’s presence and love.

I’ve been thinking about this for some time now.

I’m not sure we really serve or love from an overflow.

That idea conveys that we hang on to something, that we get “filled up” and that we can’t give if we’re not filled.

Maybe it’s only a matter of semantics, but I’m gaining a different perspective.

What if we think of ourselves as a conduit?  A pipe.  Open-ended.  A conduit allows things to flow through from the a source.  It never fills up…..it can’t overflow.

And, what if we see ourselves as connected to The Source....an open-ended pipe with an everlasting supply of  Living Water flowing from our hearts and lives to those around us?

 Then we'll never be  filled up.  If we are, we’re hanging on to something that doesn’t even belong to us.

Love always gives, always serves.  It isn’t selfish enough to stay inside, because….well, then, it isn’t truly love.


John 7:37-38-- Anyone who believes in me may come and drink! For the Scriptures declare, ‘Rivers of living water will flow from his heart.’” NLT

What do you think? Does that idea give you a different perspective?   Filled or flowing?

The Riddle - Answer Revealed!

Belinda (a long time friend of ours)  guessed right!  The answer to “The Riddle” is simply (drumroll, please)...……opening my car door for me.  Always!

Here’s the funny thing.  Dirk never guessed what the answer was until late last night!  He guessed everything from his singing, patting me on the rear, (seriously?  That attests to his character?)  to telling me he loves me.

My girls (most of them) knew right away.  But, my sons had a harder time guessing.

Which confirmed my original thought:

A lot of men don’t realize that it’s the little things that mean the most to us women.  And often, we forget to tell you. 

Sure, receiving gifts and flowers is always really nice gesture from our husbands.  But nothing replaces the everyday things.  Like when Dirk always puts himself between me and the traffic if we are walking near a street.  Or when he empties the dishwasher, or makes the bed.  Or makes sure there’s gas in my car. 

I’m just saying, the best gifts most husbands can give their wives are FREE!

Do you wives agree?  What are some of the “free” gifts your husbands give to you?