It's all about relationship. Parenting is developing your relationship with your child. There are many things that we can do. First, of course is love. Secondly, comes the support that they need to become a productive person of society. Giving our children the tools they need to become what they are called to in life should not be taken lightly. I don't think you do, or you wouldn't be reading this blog.
But at some point, our children are no longer children, and you'd better be ready. The changes they make can be rapid and extreme. The important thing is learning to allow them to grow and then growing right along with them, not allowing our perceptions of them to remain as if they are still little children. If we recognize and accomplish this, it can bring great rewards.
One of the best rewards that I have been experiencing lately is partnering with my kids. It has been great and I am looking forward to many years of partnership with them. My older kids have their lives and families, jobs and hobbies. They have value and now we do things as partners rather than "I'm the dad and I said so" because now, I listen too. And you know what? I'm learning a lot.
Just one example of partnering is working with my daughter's ministry reaching youth in our city. Another is learning about some new businesses and how to bring those about in our new family corporation. We are partners because we are growing. We have grown because we work hard on our relationship.
How about you? Are you ready to partner with your kids? Do you already? Let us know your ideas on developing your relationship with your kids.
Dirk
These are great! thanks!
ReplyDeleteThanks for both the posts. My son is eleven and is an only child. We therefore spend a lot of time together and I think our greatest partnership has been through service and activity. I have come to learn that he loves to see me doing things for others and being part of it. I am careful to give him room to be his own person and treat him as the young adult he is becoming while at the same time staying ultimately as his dad.
ReplyDeleteMy two oldest have grown into young men without me even realizing it, since my husband passed away when they were just 14 and 15. Now they are 18 and almost 19!
ReplyDeleteAny suggestions for "partnering" with them now? As a single mom, I'm struggling with this very thing. We go to church together, we do day trips as a family; but what can you do with an older teen son?? They're interests are so different, too. I do praise the Lord that we all remain very close as a family.
Thanks so much for your post!!
Wendy
Wendy, I would help them to find their passion. Cultivate that within your family. With your situation I'm sure they have been responsible as being father figures for the younger ones. Out of neccesity they probably have had to do this.
ReplyDeleteBuild on this because for God's reasons your husband could not be there. I have seen kid's thrust into situations like yours that have been great influences with their siblings and their own families.
If they are not into college think about starting a business and helping them to become entrepenuers. That will teach you a lot too.
If they want to go to college make sure they know what they are going for. Be close to them so that bridge between them and you and the younger ones can stay strong.
Be careful about letting things (other influences) come in between them and the family. Their interests have to be yours and the rest of the families to keep developing that relationship with them. We will pray for you. Dirk
I can't thank you enough. This is good stuff, and the Lord knew I was searching and needed this! God is amazing!
ReplyDeleteMy oldest is currently attending a college nearby and commuting, so we are still close. My 18 year old is a senior this year, and plans to work for my nephew after graduating. I'm not interested in computer engineering nor landscaping, but somehow God is still allowing us to stay close!
Thank you for your "warning" of outside influences. Do girlfriends count? :) I do appreciate your writing and this blog so much! Thank you so much, thank you for your prayers, and keep up the good work!!!
Wendy
I can't wait for the time that we can "Partner" with our kids. I crave an adult friendship with them. I love them as people.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I can't have that relationship with them now but as I have told them. As much as I want to be your friend....Right now you NEED me as a parent. So for now my job is to guide, teach, supervise and discipline/hold them accountable.
I have faith that they in the end will realize that we as their parents were strict for a reason. I figure I must be doing something right when I hear my 13 y/o daughter say "well all the other kids get too" and I continue to say no. I talk with her and discuss why we say no. Her and I usually spend time praying together about it.
I try to never say no and not explain why. I never liked the answer of "Because I said so". :)
At 26, it still means so much to me when my parents even ASK about the things I'm interested in. That alone can be 'partnering', because I feel their support. They are states away, so it's hard for them to be truly involved, but just the sign of interest means a lot.
ReplyDeleteYou and Robin are GREAT at this. Your kids get the level of independence and trust that correlates with their age/position in life, and they've all turned out so great thanks to the freedom you've allowed them.
On a personal note, I love partnering with this family!! We are all better together!! Thanks for leading us!